Ten Reasons Why I Should Be the BBC Correspondent to cover the British Royal Wedding.
1. I have a hat.
2. I have a son named William.
3. I could help with the reception. The Queen should not have to go her entire life without tasting my wings. I also cut the crust off sandwiches.
4. I sometimes drink tea, and once had a crumpet, which I ate incorrectly.
5. I can use the word blimey correctly in a sentence. ("Blimey!")
6. I am an expert on royalty, having often been described as a royal pain.
7. I have seen an entire episode of Dr. Who. I can also quote appropriate lines from Monty Python and the Holy Grail and am prepared to do so in an audition. (I will provide my own coconuts.)
8. I would fit right in overseas as long as I didn’t have to eat kidneys. Or anything the British describe as “pudding.”
9. Beside Camilla, I would look like Princess Diana. A Diana that had to shop in the petite chubby section and wear stretchy pants, but princess material nonetheless.
10. I own a tiara. (Target. $5.99)